They’re Not Voices, They’re Emotions Darn it!

“Well done, you! Talk about rock star status! You’ve been in California for two weeks now and have two interviews set up with two different educational technology companies! Your birthday is 2/22. Two is your number, woman!” Joy is a bit of a weirdo, but she certainly knows how to make me feel good. I was so excited. I have had so many people tell me not to lose hope if I do not find a job in educational technology right away and to give it a few months. Well, in the wise words of Chris Brown, “Look at me now! I’m getting’ paper!” Joy seems to put the weirdest songs in my heart when I get excited. “Yeah, well, they will probably take a second look at your resume and realize all of your experience has been in teaching. You have no technology background other than a crazy expensive Masters in Education Media Design and Technology. Keep that teaching license handy, Kate. It is almost summer break and schools will be hiring.” Ah, the comforting thoughts of Reality who I like to call Debbi, Debbi Downer. How do I know Debbi’s real name is Reality? It says so on her shirt. "Oh, Kate! It's going to be just like the movies! Think Melanie Griffeth in "Working Girl"! You're going to take public transportation into the big city for work and be a rock star for the company." Okay, so my Joy is a product of the 80s. Also keep in mind, in the Midwest we don't have subways or a BART. We can walk or bike nearly anywhere we need, not that we do. I mean after eating steak & potatoes for breakfast do you feel like exerting any energy? Public transportation is a novelty to us Midwesterners. As the next two days passed, I researched each company and came up with great questions to ask and key words I knew they would be listening for. Company one called. They wanted to do a phone interview first. I answered the phone with a voice that said, “I am confident” but really my palms were sweaty and I had no idea what to expect. Todd introduced himself and sounded like he was more nervous than me. His questions were so generic. “How long did you teach kindergarten? Why the switch to seventh grade? What fun things did you do with your classes?” And the dreaded, “Do you have any questions for me?” “Um, yeah, Todd, if that is really even your name. How old are you and how many hours have you had this job, Todd?” I am so glad I rarely give in to Anger. “Not at this time, Todd. Thank you so much for your time. I greatly appreciate it.” Joy always knows what to say. How does that 7-minute phone call even count as an interview? Is this how Californians do it? They think they can get enough information about a person in 7 minutes to know whether or not they want to hire them? This might work in the Midwest, but it would be face to face so you could look the person in the eyes and read them, not over the phone and with such lame questions. Only two questions would need to be asked, “What three things do you value the most?” and “How do you feel about the Patriots?” If God, the Bible, family, or hard work were not somewhere on that list for the first question, and the answer to the second didn’t involve spitting, cursing or a disapproving grunt you had better polish up that resume for the next job. The next day was a phone interview with the second company. Todd set the bar so low that I am pretty sure a cat performing the interview would be an improvement. This phone interview went incredibly well. The questions were solid and the interviewed even gave me personal advices from childcare to restaurants to check out since I was new in town. I hung up with a face to face interview set for next week. “You have been trapped all day every day in this house with a 4 year old and almost 2 month old. Adult conversation will be so much fun! Lets think about what to wear!” “Um, yeah, back to what Joy just said. You just had a baby a month and a half ago. You should totally look in your closet and find something to wear. I’m sure it will be in there. Oh, like that robe, or maybe try your husband’s side of the closet. I’m sure something will fit from over there.” Debbi, always bringing that harsh reality slamming to the front of my mind like a tidal wave. Day of the interview I decided to wear a dress that had a bit more flow to it. I left the house a little early as New 7’s app had just pushed a notification alerting me of traffic on the road I needed to take. “Well, crap, Kate. If you weren’t so directionally challenged you would have realized the traffic was for the opposite direction. You are now sitting in the parking lot twenty minutes early and looking like a fool.” “Just get out of the car, own your excessive earliness and wait patiently until it is time. You look great by the way.” “Psh.” I got out, walked inside, and asked to speak with Jeff. The man behind the counter looked up and made small talk with me. Joy took over, that nerd. The gentleman and I cracked each other up. I felt at ease. I walked into the room with Jeff and the HR director, gave my presentation and nailed it. Jeff explained the next step was to bring in the president of the company to finish the interview. Wouldn’t you know it, the guy from the front desk walks in. *insert wide eyed emoji* Jeff makes introductions. “We go way back! What like 30 minutes. Boy, those were wild fun times.” “Oh my word, Joy! I cannot believe you just made her say that. She looks like a fool!” The rest of the interview I had to keep reminding myself to not bit my lips and to keep my hands still. The president explained more of the job to me. There would be sales involved. At this point Debbi took over. “Kate, you do realize that sales means numbers and math, right? Remember how well you did with that in high school? I’m going to guess this company does not give extra credit points for dressing up for spirit week like Mrs. Cook did. You have never done anything like this. This is so far out of your range. Rethink. Rethink. They are not going to want someone like you. They know you cannot do this. Just saying. Love, Debbi.” Two days after the interview I was called and offered the position. The next day the contract was sent to me. It was about this time that I realized Debbi Downer was not her real name. Shoot. Reality wasn’t her name either. Her real name is Self Doubt and she is a real…you know. She so easily can take control if allowed. If allowed. Do not let Self Doubt take control. Follow Joy and you will always surprise yourself! This coming from the newest Educational Technology Consultant.