M.I.A.

It has been four months now that I have lived in California. I am progressively getting better at getting around without the help of my phone’s GPS. I have had several instances where I get the boys loaded up into the car and am going to head out, but then see that my phone has only a small percentage of battery life left. That’s okay, I have my Mophie battery. When I see that battery is low, I panic. What if my phone dies? I am sadly one of those people who only knows four phone numbers by heart, my husbands, my own, my childhood phone number, and 911. What if my phone dies and I do not know how to get home? I know I can stop at a gas station and ask for directions, but I have a problem that I am working on. That problem is, when people talk to me giving me important information, my brain will panic and shut off though my eyes and facial expression let the person believe I am still actively listening and understanding. The time old saying of “In one ear, out the other” is exactly what is happening. So, if my phone does die and I do have to stop to ask for directions I will need to unload both boys out of the car, go inside, write down word for word what the attendant is saying, load both boys back into the car, reread the directions and pray that the attendant never said the words “Head North on ______, then turn West…” because I will find a cozy cardboard box to call home and hope that David comes looking for us. Today was the first day in four months that I have been away from my boys for more than two hours. Today they started the new daycare. I had zero worries about them being in the care of Ms. Chris, the real challenge was can get there and can I handle being without them? Getting there turns out to be a breeze. I only have four roads that I travel on and am there. As I dropped the boys off W runs off to go play with the other kids and baby B begins to cry. Ms. Chris quickly sets him under the ceiling fan facing the other playing kids and baby B is suddenly happy. Psh! They are handling this whole “momma’s not with us” thing better than I think I am about to. I said my good byes and headed home. David told me I should go shopping to keep my mind off of being without my babies, so I plugged in the shopping center into my GPS and headed out. I had a good time doing a little needed shopping, but when I got home the loneliness hit me. I didn’t have any little hugs or squishy faces to kiss. I didn’t have any crying or favors to take care of. It was silent. *insert wide eyed emoji* What do I do? Well, I’ll tell you what I did. I made myself some lunch, folded laundry, took a nap, perfected a Dubsmash video to send to my sister, and sat down. It’s only 2:30. I cleaned my kitchen. I’m running out of things to do, or at least things I want to do. I missed my boys so much. I had been looking forward to a little me time, but this was too much me time. I feel like I have to discover who I am without my kids. I decided I’d go bring in the trash cans and get that done before getting the boys. I go out and see my recycling tote and organics tote, but there no is garbage tote out why I had placed it. I took care of the other totes and looked all around for my missing garbage tote. I called sanitation who questioned me. “Do you know who would have wanted to take your tote?” “Well, I have offended many people who would seek their revenge on my by taking my garbage tote, so I can’t really narrow that long list down.” Is what I wanted to say. I’m pretty sure that this was going to be a case for Ice T and the Special Victims Unit . Instead I said no. “Did you put it by the curb this morning?” Yes, the computer is plugged. Seriously?! “Yes, I am positive that I placed by the curb last evening.” “Oh, well sometimes the totes fall into the truck. We’ll send you another.” Could we have not just started with that? I went and got my boys without using my GPS. Loaded them up while receiving loads of hugs and kisses. Now, all is right with the word again.